Everyday Randomness

I’m waiting around today surfing around the EcoQuest Intl site looking at stuff that kills germs hoping the doctor will hurry up and call. He’s supposed to call me with the results from my second culture. I’ve been going crazy wanting to know what’s going on, and if something is wrong with me I want to know NOW!

Thank god it’s not his wife I’m waiting on. His wife went into practice with him about 5 years ago after she finished her residency at another clinic. I can’t stand that woman. She goes by her maiden name which sounds like you’re saying “Aloe Vera”, so call her Dr. Aloe Vera. She’s a total ditz. I honestly don’t see how she made it through medical school, and after treating me and screwing up twice I vowed to never let her touch me again.
Men may stop reading here if you don’t want to read about gross female body stuff.

The first time I let her treat me was for the dreaded yearly Pap. I thought it was so awesome I finally had a woman to take care of those kinds of things instead of having to deal with a man with his hands in places I would rather him not go. I had scheduled the appointment, then called to reschedule because my little monthly friend showed up a little early. She didn’t want to reschedule and wanted to do the exam anyway.

NO WAY. I’m sorry but I’m not going into that exam during that time of the month. I’m sure most women would agree. If nothing else that’s the cleanest we ever want to be during an exam.  I didn’t even know that the test can be done during your period.

When I finally saw her Aloe Vera had no clue what she was doing.  It was the weirdest pap I’ve ever had.  When she went to use the spatula she thought it might be too cold, so she blew on it to warm it up.  I told her I didn’t want whatever nasty germs she might have in my va-jay-jay.  I couldn’t believe she even did something like that to a sterilized tool.  She had to call a nurse to bring her another one before she could take the sample.

When she finished the test she promised to call me as soon as the results came in.  Two weeks later after no call from her and numerous calls to the clinic to track her down I finally got the results of my pap.

I had to see her a few months later when I had my first ever thyroid test.  The woman was completely off her rocker.  She took me into a room, examined me, and said she’d be right back to do blood work.  45 minutes later a nurse came in with my paperwork and told me to follow her.  She took me to the little nurses station to check out.  I informed her I was waiting on blood work, and after looking at my chart she said you’re not scheduled for blood work.

Nope, your one too many screws loose doctor screwed up.  She called Aloe Vera up to the station, and Aloe Vera was like oh silly me, I forgot to send someone to do it.  She put me in another room where I waited for a nurse to draw blood.  When the nurse was finished Aloe Vera came back in and asked me to remind her why we were taking a blood sample!

After that I vowed never to let her touch me again.  My MIL informed me a couple weeks ago that she’ll never see Aloe Vera again either.  The man doctor is good.  He calls you with your results no matter what they are.  She never got a phone call, so she figured they were fine.

When she went for her pap this year Aloe Vera asked her what her results were last year.  My MIL said she assumed they were fine because no one ever called her.  Aloe Vera checked her file and gave her the “silly me I forgot to even look at your results and sign off on them” speech.  Then she giggled and said “well at least they were normal.”  My MIL walked out and rescheduled her test for another day when the man doctor was available.  Wouldn’t you?

Ugh, after such a long rant the doctor still hasn’t called.  Bummer.