Everyday Randomness

I’m here in body, but I’m not sure my mind is tagging along today.  Last night was of the long and sleepless variety.  That makes 2 nights now where I’ve tossed and turned just hoping to catch a few moments of rest, but my mind won’t let me sleep.  It’s too busy trying to come up with a billion solutions to all the problems we’re currently facing…but none of them are the correct answer.

The one thing I know for sure right now is that I have absolutely no idea what will happen next.  I do know that events have taken place that will shape our lives into something completely different…and most likely not for the better.  I really wish I could discuss what’s going on, but that’s impossible.  Even if it was ok to talk about it here I wouldn’t know how to put it into words.  I really can’t talk to anyone about this.  My family is out of the question.  My friends just don’t understand at all, and it’s one of the few things I’m not comfortable with broadcasting to the entire world.

Right now I feel alone…more alone than I’ve ever felt.

Hubby has people he can talk to.  He has family and friends that understand the situation, so he’s dealing with it.  Me, I’m trying to let it out in every way, shape, and form possible, but I’m so stressed and upset right now.  I have no real way to vent, no shoulder to cry on, and it scares me that holding all this in, all the sleepless nights, all the stress…I have to solve this before it becomes a problem for my child.

We could lose so much, and that’s honestly an understatement.

I have to work past this today.  I have to push it into the back of my mind and try to go about my day accomplishing my many other tasks at hand.  I can finally download my email, so I will try to tackle that, but I can’t promise I’ll get very far.  I feel like I’m walking around mind and body completely separated, forcing myself through this day…this week even.

And this is just the beginning.  We have months and months ahead of us to deal with this.

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