I know I haven’t really said much over the last few weeks, and that is because I honestly don’t know where to begin. Things have happened, lots of things, that have really impacted my life over the last 2 months. Some of those things were good, but most of them weren’t.
I was slapped upside the face with the shock of a lifetime, something devastating I would never have expected in a million years, and I’ve spent the last 2 months trying to recover from it. Although I don’t want to discuss the particular issue because it is just too personal right now, I will say I have learned a lot about myself and my family. I’ve learned I’m 100 times stronger than I ever imagined I could be. Maybe one day I’ll be able to discuss what happened without falling apart, but for now any posts on that matter will stay private just in case I do decide to share that heartbreaking ordeal some day.
Instead let’s talk about the other big ordeal I’ve been dealing with, my health. I’ve been battling some serious depression and anxiety that started up shortly after Aubrey was born. I tried to blame it on postpartum, but the truth is the baby blues went away and weeks later I was hit with depression, massive panic attacks, and anxiety like I’ve never imagined before. I’ve battled anxiety and panic disorder in the past, but nothing like this.
As the weeks and then months went on I felt so depressed I didn’t want to be around anyone, not even my husband and children. I became very angry for no reason. I found myself yelling at Ellie over the slightest little thing and pushing my husband away not wanting him around me. The only problem was I felt like I couldn’t be alone. I was literally scared to be alone. I would panic over the slightest thing and feel like my throat was closing. I lost almost 15lbs in 2 months. Part of it was due to the breastfeeding, but mainly it was because I couldn’t eat. I would take 2 bites of food and feel like I was choking or my mouth was swelling. I was so panicky over cooking anything because everything made me feel like I was having some throat swelling tingly allergic reaction!
I asked my doctor about my symptoms and she pretty much dismissed them as anxiety. As I continued my medicine I felt worse and worse. Ben and I both knew it was much more than that and we both felt strongly it was all related to my bp meds. So, I decided to live with the high bp for a bit and wean myself off the meds to see if it made a difference. And you know what?
I haven’t felt this good in months! Not only have all of the side effects disappeared, my blood pressure is actually better than it’s been on the medicine! The real kicker is I wasn’t on some super strong beta blocker or anything. I was on a freakin’ diuretic that was causing all of this! Once my head started to clear up and not feel so brain-fogged I decided to seek out people having similar reactions, and I found a TON of people online with lists of side effects so similar to mine it was like I passed out photocopies of my own list.
The final verdict is that I was more than likely reacting to the diuretic because it is a sulfonamide drug. I brought up my sulfonamide allergy the very first day the pills were prescribed, but the doctor said I wouldn’t react because this kind of sulfonamide drug doesn’t have the same chemical compound in it that causes the allergy to antibiotics. Well, I guess she was majorly wrong on that one. I have now been off all medications for 2 weeks, and I feel better than I have in a very long time!
Now if only it were that easy to get us all off of this nasty cold and sinus crud we’ve been passing around. Aubrey brought it home from the doctor’s office the week before Christmas, ran a high fever all Christmas day, and passed it on to me. Ben got it, Ellie managed to avoid it, but it came back to Aubrey and I. I’m not sure I ever really got over it in the first place. Then it got passed to our extended family and back again. That is when Ben got it again and Ellie finally got bit by the bug, too. They finally started feeling better at the end of last week, and Aubrey seems to be coming down with it again!
I would invest in a pallet of Lysol if I weren’t so broke! Between Christmas, all the sickness, my other health issues, and the major personal thing that happened I haven’t had much time to work. I’ve had to turn down quite a few things, and unfortunately I had to break a contract that I really didn’t want to break. I’m honestly surprised I’m not having to search for an attorney for contract disputes, but the company was actually pretty cool about it all acknowledging the crappy situation I’m dealing with. Between the sickness making him take time off and Ben’s plant shutting down for the holidays his checks have been really really short, and that’s totally put us in a bad spot we’re just starting to climb out of. Hopefully now that I’m feeling better I can start to turn that around and get back on the work at home bandwagon!