Things may not be perfect around here, but they’re definitely getting better. I’m still dealing with postpartum depression, but I’ve been getting the help I need to get through with it. I think one of the hardest parts about the depression has been dealing with all the new and different feelings towards both of my girls, but especially towards Ellie. I had a very hard time adjusting at first, but so has she. I love both of my girls more than anything, but I didn’t realize just how different (for lack of a better word) things would be.
My relationship with Ellie has completely changed in some ways, and I see how much closer she has grown to Ben over the last few weeks. In a way it made me sad to see my little girl not needing me so much, but I also had to come to terms with the fact that she’s growing up and realizing how much more the baby needs Mama right now. I had a few good cry sessions over that one. I really felt like I waved goodbye to one Ellie when I left for the hospital and came home to another one. Truth is I think I didn’t want to allow myself how much she was growing up, and when I came home with a brand new helpless little one it hit me in the face how much Ellie has grown up.
Anywho, things really are starting to feel more “normal” around here this week. Ben was supposed to go back to work last week, but all this nonstop rain we’ve had prevented that from happening. It’s just as well because the job wasn’t working out anyway. What was supposed to be 2 weeks of training to be a cable tech turned into almost 2 months of training followed by lots of run around trying to get his tech id number so he could actually start working on his own. Excuse the pun after all this rain, but we were barely able to stay afloat between the crappy training pay, weeks of no work because of the weather, and all my hospital stays. It was getting to the point I was considering getting a free bankruptcy consultation. I’m very thankful for family members who came to our rescue, but we can’t rely on them forever.
All things happen for a reason, though, right? While waiting and waiting for things to happen with the cable stuff Ben got a call he’s been hoping to get for a long time. He’s been looking to get away from all the industries that keep him working outside, and it’s finally happened. A CNC operator position opened up at a local plant, and he got the call about the job last week, and he started Monday. The downside is it’s 2nd shift. That doesn’t bother me at all, but Ellie is going to have to adjust to it. She’s used to relying on him for a lot in the evenings, and now she’s got to learn to be patient until I can get to it. We had a pretty rough evening yesterday, but I’m hoping things will be better this evening. With that said I’m going to keep her occupied by making her my little helper in the kitchen, so we better get some dinner cooked before Aubrey wakes up from her nap!