Everyday Randomness

Geez I really got to put an end to these late nights. I totally planned on it tonight, but I got too caught up in rocking out to CCR trying to clear my head. My face is telling me it hates being up all night, and it’s fighting back with tons of acne. Ugh. Just great. This weekend we’ll be seeing friends I haven’t seen in almost 3 years, and of course this is the week my face decides to give me pimples of doom.

Then again that could be all the stress I’ve got going on, too. I’ve had a ton of stress going on this week because I’m dealing with some personal battles at home. Seems as if I’m about to have to make some decisions that I never thought I’d have to do. I feel like I’m going to have to step up to my family and become the leader if I want anything to be done about a very serious situation. Nobody else seems to give a damn, so I’m going to have to be the bad guy to turn a bad situation around.

I suspect my Grandpa has Alzheimer’s, and no one in my family wants to admit that he needs to be tested. Let me rephrase that. My Mom, Grandma, and my youngest aunt keep brushing it off when I mention it. They blame it on old age. My aunt Sheila agrees with me, but she thinks nothing can be done because my Grandpa refuses to go to the doctor. He keeps making excuses for why he can’t go. His latest excuse is that they have too many bills to pay from my Grandma’s recent visits. He doesn’t understand that they have medicare and an extended coverage from AARP, and her visits have all been covered.

Over a year ago I wrote that I had noticed signs of Alzheimer’s in my Grandpa. At that time I’d already mentioned this to my mom and my aunts, but they all pretty much brushed it off. I kept telling them I thought he needed to be screened, but they all agreed there was no way Papa would go to a doctor unless he had to.

Over the past year I’ve progressively watched my Papa worsen. I think one of the reasons I noticed a lot of the symptoms is because I’m around them constantly. I try my best to walk up to my Grandparent’s house at least once during the day to check on them while my aunt is at work. It’s these times I have alone with them during the day that I’ve noticed a lot of my Grandpa’s symptoms.

For example over the last 3 months he’s asked me the same question every single time he’s seen me. I always give him the same answer, and sometimes he’ll turn around and ask me the same question again a few minutes later forgetting that he asked me at all. A few days ago Hubby called me when he got to work to tell me he spoke to my Papa before he left for work. Papa went out of his way to walk down here before Hubby left for work to ask him a question I answer every single day. I mean, does that not sound like a major sign of something’s wrong? It totally did to me. Hubby knows I’ve suspected Alzheimer’s, so he let me know because it made him feel like I might be right.

On top of that I’ve noticed him forgetting other important things. We’ve all pretty much gone out of our way to make sure he doesn’t drive anywhere, and the main reason is because last month he got lost driving 3 miles down the road to my aunt’s house. At the time no one told me about it, but my 16 year old little cousin finally called me about it because it worried her so much. It shames me that a 16 year old can tell something is wrong, but my Grandma, Mom, and Aunts ignored it.

I’ve also noticed mood swings. One minute he’ll be perfectly fine. The next he’s suddenly turned, and he’s not quite violent but very pissed off at nothing. I’m afraid if something isn’t done soon he could end up hurting my Grandma. We watched the same thing happen to my Grandpa’s brother. It took him beating his wife bloody because he didn’t know who she was and why she was in his house for his family to realize something was wrong. I REFUSE to let that happen in this situation. There are other things I’ve noticed, but I could go on for hours talking about them.

I know I’m probably about to piss my entire family off, but I can’t stand by and watch this anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I know I have to do something. I begged the 3 sisters to sit down together to discuss it. My mom tells me I need to talk to my younger aunt since she lives with my Grandparents and is their “caregiver”. My younger aunt refuses to acknowledge anything is wrong.

My aunt that agrees with me knows something has to be done, but she doesn’t know what. We’ve discussed so many options…even scheduling an appointment, telling him we’re going to eat, and driving him straight to the doctor. I don’t want to think that I’ll have to kidnap him just to get him to the doctor!

I never thought at 26 I’d be the one having to make these decisions. I can understand that my Grandma doesn’t want to admit something is wrong, but I never thought my mom and aunt could be so blind to such a serious situation, and honestly I don’t know what to do anymore. All I know is I’m about to pull my hair out worrying about it because I know something HAS to be done, and soon.

I think I’m going to call a meeting with the rest of the Grandkids tomorrow. If no one else is willing to do something, maybe it’s time for the younger generation to step up. The 4 of us Grandkids are my Papa’s heart and soul, so just maybe if all 4 of us sit him down and tell him how worried we are…just maybe he’ll agree to go to a doctor. I feel almost like it’s a very manipulative thing to do…using the one thing that matters the most to him against him, but at this point I don’t have any other ideas. Maybe it’s going to take us being the bad guys right now to try to help him get the help he needs.

Since I’m taking this weekend to do nothing but stay home, I’m going to make a list of things I need to do around here. I guess I lied when I said I didn’t want to do anything that would cause me to exert any energy because I have to do some stuff. I can’t just eat, sleep, and sit at the pc all weekend.

I’m going to try to finish cleaning out the utility room this weekend. We’ve got so much junk piled in there (can’t even get the back door open), and I’m ready to get rid of it all. I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at websites that give you information on managing your debt as well as your household.

It’s a proven fact that people who have more junk taking up space in their homes spend more money. That’s right because we can’t ever find anything! We give up the search and decide to buy another one. I know I’m seriously guilty of that one myself.

That leads to more debt or falling behind on payments for current debts because sometimes those things we can’t find are things we really need. Sometimes they’re expensive, and we put off making a payment on debts to afford them.

I’m going to get every single item out of this house that we don’t need, don’t use, and just store because we “might” need it one day. I’m still debating on whether or not I want to have another yard sale in the upcoming weeks or if I want to take everything straight to Goodwill. It will depend on how I feel after I do all this.

I’m also going to try to do some of the things I’ve put off doing here lately that affect us financially as well. It’s time again to start searching for refinancing for the Blazer. I could possibly save a ton of cash even if the refinancing is only a few % lower. Then I need to start looking into cheap life insurance because I know we really need it.

We’ve been talking about making up our wills, so I might have a sit down this weekend with Hubby about that. Hubby thinks we don’t need one because we don’t really have anything, but I think everyone needs one, even if it’s just a basic idea of what we want in the future.  We can change it as we go, but if we don’t have one we could screw any future children we might have.

I also need to rework our budget again to see if I can squeeze any extra cash out for savings. I need to really crack down on keeping a savings account for retirement and things like that.

I am definitely one of those people who lives for the moment. I don’t usually try to plan ahead because that’s just not my style, but these are things that need to be done. I don’t want to realize 30 years from now that I’ve totally left myself unprepared for my golden years, so I really have to start thinking about this kind of stuff. Right now I say I’m 26, I’ve got plenty of time to worry about it later, but the truth is I don’t. If I don’t start preparing myself now I’ll never be prepared.

I finally got in touch with the doctor today about my test results, and I’m not happy.  My culture came back inconclusive because it was contaminated in the lab!  Now I have to go back down there to have another culture.  I had another one of these things come up in the normal area where I get them last night, so he should be able to get a good result this time as long as they don’t contaminate it!

I don’t have severe health problems like a lot of my blogging friends do, but now I can relate to them in a small way understanding exactly why it is they feel the need to blog about their health problems.

It helps them to feel like they are not alone in this world with the issues they face on a daily basis.  It gives them a chance to connect with other people experiencing the same problems, and it also gives them a place to vent about what’s going on with the illness.

When I finally decided to write my post about the boils I’ve dealt with for years I knew it was going to be something gross that a lot of people wouldn’t want to read about.  I finally just needed a place to vent because it’s not exactly something I want to talk about with my family and friends.  When I have discussed it with people before I’ve always gotten weird looks and then treated like something was seriously wrong with me.

Since writing the post I’ve been overwhelmed by the number of emails from other people who are experiencing the same thing.  Most of them have been trying to get a diagnosis for years while others never really thought about it as something could be wrong with them.

Most of the people who have contacted me are women, some of them people I already know and connect to through blogging, and I’ve also had a few men email me.  One guy has been so worried because he thought he might have an STD.  He’s been afraid to go to the doctor about it, and now he’s scheduled an appointment because he has connected with someone who can talk to him about his issues and help him deal with the element of fear.

All those emails have proven to me that sometimes the best way to find your own support group is to write about it.  Other people will share their own experiences with you, and together you can all connect and help each other through it.